I'd wear matching sweaters with you
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
She announced her abortion via fbk
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
