Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
