you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This show inspires me to have sex in space
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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