I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
