They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
