Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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