I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
