I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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