He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
