wanna go halves on a baby?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
