life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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