she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
