I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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