Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
