Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
