I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
