we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
We need to get me chipped asap
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
