There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
sick fucks of a feather flock together
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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