You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
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