he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Randomize
