Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?