But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.