My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
21 Times Karma Showed These People Not to Mess Around
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.