I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
