he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
