i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
