I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
These 21 Declassified Government Horrors Are Unimaginable
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"