I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...