Texts From Last Night

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  (206): View more from Washington

  It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.

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  (206): It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts. http://tfl.nu/etp3
  Replies (1) Good night (609) Bad night (886) Order T-Shirt
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.

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  (720): Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls. http://tfl.nu/micp
  Replies (29) Good night (3649) Bad night (920)
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  (337): View more from Louisiana

  My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.

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  (337): My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night. http://tfl.nu/n564
  Replies (22) Good night (5630) Bad night (651) Order T-Shirt
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  (585): View more from New York

  well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me

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  (585): well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me http://tfl.nu/wu1p
  Replies (28) Good night (1044) Bad night (3584) Order T-Shirt
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.

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  (920): when life gives you lemons, puke and rally. http://tfl.nu/b13b
  Replies (19) Good night (2722) Bad night (913) Order T-Shirt
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.

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  (519): He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka. http://tfl.nu/8f21
  Replies (13) Good night (2417) Bad night (675)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.

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  (517): I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole. http://tfl.nu/6med
  Replies (3) Good night (958) Bad night (1755) Order T-Shirt
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."

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  (248): So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis." http://tfl.nu/nekp
  Replies (5) Good night (2577) Bad night (687) Order T-Shirt
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook

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  (419): I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook http://tfl.nu/40z7
  Replies (25) Good night (2516) Bad night (555) Order T-Shirt
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  (845): View more from New York

  officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.

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  (845): officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand. http://tfl.nu/8nd1
  Replies (7) Good night (1397) Bad night (766)
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  (254): View more from Texas

  Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be

  (254): View more from Texas

  Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54

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  (254): Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be (254): Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54 http://tfl.nu/ylh4
  Replies (5) Good night (1645) Bad night (487)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.

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  (479): My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day. http://tfl.nu/2m2t
  Replies (13) Good night (2524) Bad night (498) Order T-Shirt
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  (315): View more from New York

  What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?

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  (315): What's a good pandora station to masturbate to? http://tfl.nu/c2un
  Replies (7) Good night (498) Bad night (897) Order T-Shirt
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.

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  (724): I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower. http://tfl.nu/44q1
  Replies (2) Good night (446) Bad night (176) Order T-Shirt
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  (425): View more from Washington

  I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me

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  (425): I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me http://tfl.nu/4rz8
  Replies (4) Good night (554) Bad night (179) Order T-Shirt

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