Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
