I molested 6 butterflies tonight
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
