Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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