dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
