in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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