Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
