Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
