This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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