At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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