She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
