I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
