I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Let the clothes fall where they may.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
