Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
