Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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