I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
