I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Someone shit on the floor
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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