Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
