but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
