I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Slut skills are useful in every country.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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