if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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