He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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