I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
