I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
