I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
2020 sucks, I want a refund
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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