My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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