I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
