They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
