Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
