My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
