Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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