I don't usually arrange sex via text message
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
