Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
