I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
how drunk are you?
Several
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
