wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Every concussion has its silver lining
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
