Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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