so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
