And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
