i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Randomize
