i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
