I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
