It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
