I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I am one with the molecules
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
