Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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