Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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