I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
