Your face is a jimmy john
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
