One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Randomize
