escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
