i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
