Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
