She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
