I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
