its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
