I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
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My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
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Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize