Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
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Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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